January 2nd, 2018.
After I wrote my first journal entry of the year (this one being my second), I went on to have a really awesome day. I felt so much better. It is true, when I write, I find answers… I find healing. This is something to mentally note as part of my morning routine moving forward. And today, I have been in a fairly good mood! I’ve been chanting all morning, “Today is going to be a great day!”, over and over and over. You know…speaking that shit into existence.
However, I am still not getting done, nor do I feel focused, on what is most important in my life at this time. And that is creating financial income. An income that allows me to feel security.
I left the corporate world almost 2 years ago. I have completely changed direction in my life, becoming a fitness instructor and spending a lot of time educating myself…on myself through personal development. I invested most of my savings and any extra money I had into the investment of myself from fitness coaching, to nutrition and lifestyle coaching, having my own life coach and a results coach, as well as becoming a student under Anthony Robbins’ Mastery University. It is absolutely the best investment I could have ever made to this date and that investment was ME. Yes, I’m almost broke now, but I believe in myself to figure out my finances and re-create my career life.
In order to create financial income, I need to find work. I have been avoiding applying for jobs at all costs! It’s driving me insane that I’m not taking action. Yesterday, I finally sat down and made a resume’. That’s progress. I need a paycheck. I need to work. Hell, I’m a Capricorn! I thrive, energetically, when I am working on or towards something, especially if I enjoy it and I’m good at it. So what is my problem here?
I meet with my Results Coach, Hasnaa, on Thursday. My results coach helps me clearly define and set specific goals in my life, and keeps me accountable to my actions. My specific action from our last call was that I put in a few job applications. That I don’t overthink it and I just do it. And I flat out didn’t do it. Yet, I thought about it every single day…and dwelled…and as I write this… I realize I was just losing confidence in myself that I’ve been working hard for.
On another note, I need to fill out my “coaching call form” for Hasnaa that was due a few hours ago. Had I applied for jobs like I set out for myself to do, I probably would have already filled out this form and sent it to her all excited and stuff. But I haven’t even started it.
I guess I am embarrassed. I am a hard worker, but I am not working very hard right now on my MUSTS. On what is most important to me. I am procrastinating and finding distractions to avoid the very thing that will help me grow and develop even further. And I’m creating more anxiety and fear in myself by not having a steady income. My bills aren’t getting cheaper.
I am writing this journal entry for more answers…
When I get things done that I set out to do, I’m in a way better mood. Even if it’s just a small tiny step towards the future. That’s what Tony Robbin’s mean when he says progress equals happiness.
Come on, Lori. The right time is NOW. Start NOW. So you are happy in this area of your life. Because you have way too many things you need to accomplish beyond this baby step. But you have to take this freakin’ step so that you can survive and thrive and move on to the next chapter. A bigger step!
It’s time. Put yourself out there. I believe in you. You have the energy. You have the drive. You are all about that growth.
Step up to the plate.
Remember your 2018 goals? You wrote them in your last entry.
- Stepping outside your comfort zone
- Taking risks
- Learning from rejection
- Stepping up
This, Lori, this is where your growth is, right now, today.
You have a gift. You light people up. You create sparks. You love and support wholeheartedly. Please go give this gift to the world. You are the up and coming “Fitness Instructor of 2018”. You just are. You’re doing it differently. And it will help so many others with more than just fitness. But, will you own it? Will you step into your role?
I’m on a mission to make a difference. To teach others that our challenges are our guides for our own self-growth. To inspire people to move like their lives depend on it (because it does).
On average, 610,000 people die of heart disease in the US every year. That’s 1 in every 4 deaths. It is the leading cause of death for both men and women. Every year, 730,000 Americans have a heart attack. https://www.cdc.gov/heartdisease/facts.htm
My dad is one of them. If he had taken care of himself, of his body… had he been inspired to exercise… he may still be here today. I’m sure, and I will never know the truth, that stress played a major role in his decisions. That his mindset wasn’t where he wanted it to be, needed it to be. He wasn’t connected to his bigger purpose in life because if he was, he would have needed (required) that energy that comes with being optimally healthy and he would have taken care of himself to fulfill his dreams. I am a daddy’s girl and he will not even get to see me walk down the aisle at my wedding that I know would have been a very special moment for him. I know he didn’t do this on purpose.
You don’t see a heart attack coming. And you don’t believe it will happen to you.
We were never taught how to love ourselves. I honestly never even heard the term “self-love” until just a few years ago and I am 34 years old. Our parents weren’t taught, or they would have taught us. Which means their parents weren’t taught…and you get the picture. So who is going to teach us this now so we can find true fulfillment in our lives and die without regrets?
I have been on an intense health journey since early 2016 because I do not want to die this way. I do not want to die before I see my kids live their life. I miss the crap out of my dad every single day; he is my inspiration. I wasn’t educated any more than he was in the topic of what it takes to be truly healthy at the time of his death. And I don’t mean just exercise and diet, I’m talking overall mental and spiritual health. I have chosen this path that I am on because I desperately needed it to make changes in my life. Along the way, I have realized that no one around me truly understands this “emotional” type of intelligence. In fact, I have found it’s down right uncomfortable for most people to even discuss. Because it involves challenging their life long belief system. And that means tuning into their emotions.
My family has had a very difficult time dealing with the loss of my dad. In a perfect world, they all hop on this journey with me. They learn to live their healthiest, most energy rich lives with passion and purpose. They let go of any pain and grief holding them back. They set examples for their kiddos and grand-kids. They are happy and fulfilled. But it’s not that easy. The journey, itself, is not easy. But they need me. I pray I can take them where they want to be by taking myself where I need to be.
This is why I started of my health journey with fitness.
This is why I am educating myself on the messiness of the nutrition world.
This is why I am learning how to love myself and what that actually truly means.
This is why I am facing all my demons because self love can be a bitch (excuse my language)!
This is why I have invested all my dollars into myself to grow into the best version of me I can possibly be.
This is why I am becoming emotionally FIT.
I create my vibe.
I crave this ENERGY. I need this ENERGY.
So that I can give it back.
I am determined to create sparks. To simply lead by example. To love myself each and every day. To share and expose my challenges so that others can see they are not alone. To reach out and grab hands of those ready for change. And to help guide their way.
I am building an army of people that fiercely support one another and they align themselves to what it takes to live their best life, in turn, teaching others.
It all starts with learning how to love yourself… first.
This is where I want to make a difference.
STEP THE “F” UP, LORI